i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
