I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
