There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
