turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
