I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize