FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
