I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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