I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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