If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
