Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
