you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
