how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
how drunk are you?
Several
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
