i barfeds in our rink
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sorry about my life...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
