After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
