I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
