I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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