Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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