There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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