...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
