Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
