worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
