Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
