I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
