i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
