Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
