Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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