So drunk its hurt
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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