So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
