he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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