That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
