just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
