We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
