I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
