but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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