I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
