finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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