What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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