You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
