I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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