I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
