Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
