Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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