Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
