Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
