is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
FUCK WHALES
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
