ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
