Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
