the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
