this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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