I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
only you would photoshop your dick
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
