Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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