If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
